I haven't posted anything in a while due to my being a college senior about to graduate in a few weeks. I am super excited, but realizing just how close I am to being done is really bittersweet. Looking back, I can see just how much these last four years have caused me to grow, and I have fallen in love with my University. And that is something I definitely wasn't expecting to happen. Let's rewind to four years ago and I'll explain.
When I was a High School senior, I was considering a variety of schools, and by March it was down to two. Just before I interviewed for a Presidential scholarship at one school out of state, the other (only 15 minutes from home) sent me a letter telling me that I received a full scholarship. During the interview weekend I prayed at every moment that God would make it very clear to me which school I was supposed to go to. He did.
First of all, I didn't get the Presidential scholarship. Secondly, while touring the campus I was told that the science building was going to be renovated over the next two or three years (I should note that I'm a biology major, so this would be a major inconvenience). Lastly, a few weeks after my interview a huge tornado went through the town, damaging the hotel my mother and I had stayed at. After some thought, I accepted the scholarship of the University located close to home, certain that this was where God wanted me to be for the next four years.
For my first few years there, I was convinced that meant I was going to meet my future husband there. About a year ago I realized that it probably wasn't going to happen and I had a mini breakdown. I knew God wanted me there, but if it wasn't to meet my future husband, I wanted to know why. Then I thought of all of the friends that I've made and the impact that they have had on my life and I on theirs. Somewhere along the way I was reminded that God's plan for me isn't always just for me.
I'm not going to lie and say that I don't wish I could meet my future husband right now, because that would be awesome, but His plans and timing are influenced by things that I can never know or understand. And that's OK. Wonderful even. I want to surrender my plans and desires to His will, because whose plans could possibly trump those of the Creator of the Universe? Yes, it's hard. As much as I would like to dispute it, I am a selfish, stubborn, impatient person, so letting go and giving God full control is a daily struggle, but its totally worth it.
Even now that I'm looking at Post-Grad job opportunities, God is opening doors for me that I never knew existed, and providing affirmation along the way. Yes, I still want to meet my future husband, especially since friends all around me are getting engaged and hitched right now, but I only want to meet him when God thinks we're both ready. Again, I am not that patient. Every now and then I will break down in tears asking why I haven't had a boyfriend/met my future husband yet. It is painful seeing others in love and getting married knowing that I may never get that same experience. I have to strengthen myself in the Lord and remind myself that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine and that He has important work for me during the waiting.
